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Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, by Jonice Webb
Get Free Ebook Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, by Jonice Webb
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Product details
Paperback: 250 pages
Publisher: Morgan James Publishing; 9.1.2012 edition (October 1, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 161448242X
ISBN-13: 978-1614482420
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
387 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#2,254 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I read this book 4 days ago and already its completely changed my life. I have been trying to figure out for decades now why, despite success in many areas of my life and seemingly solid family of origin, I have always had anxiety and trouble with relationships and connecting with other people. My kids seem to be inheriting this, and since my older child was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a few years ago, I've always had this suspicion that its at least partly my fault, or that something I was doing was causing this. I've had trouble connecting with my kids and being that loving family everyone else seems to have, but for the life of me i couldn't figure out how to fix it. I read tons of parenting books, all would help a bit, but none really got to the root of the issue. Finally I googled "am I causing child's anxiety" and it led me to an article referencing this book. I downloaded the book and immediately recognized myself and my family of origin in this book...wow. It was intense. But spot on. Page after page after page, it was like the author knew my family, watched my childhood, and now was predicting how I was repeating this pattern with my own kids. I wasn't giving my kids the emotional support they desperately needed because i had not received it myself and had no idea what I didn't know. But all is not lost, as the author provides guidance on fixing this. And it all makes so much sense. I read the book in one night and started implementing the tools right away, and the results were immediate and drastic. My tween daughter and I had a lengthy conversation about what's been going on in her life, and just by doing what the author suggests - identify, accept, attribute, act - she poured her heart out to me for 2 straight hours, at least twice saying "I've never told anybody this..." Wow. Just wow. The next day, I continued to do this. I thought it would be difficult, but its not, its easy, and very quickly started to come naturally. My younger child also started talking more openly to me. We're having great dinner conversation. The kids haven't been fighting, and when they do instead of yelling or getting mad at them for bickering, I'm approaching it from the perspective of IAAA, and the fights have fizzled immediately on their own! Its like magic. I am so thankful to the author. My only regret was not having read this 20 years ago!!!
This book does an excellent job of describing the adversities, emotions, and common experiences of those who have experienced "childhood emotional neglect" (CEN) or "emotional deprivation."By reading this book you will see what it's like to be someone who has experienced CEN. There is a lot of descriptions of people who have experienced this in their life whom the author has worked with to help them feel better. If you want to understand why you feel so bad about yourself or life, this book will describe the situations you encounter perfectly. If you have a really hard time explaining why you have low self-esteem, depression, feel like a failure, even if you had a good childhood, this will explain your circumstances perfectly.Understand that CEN doesn't mean you were emotionally abused, or verbally berated as a child. It also doesn't mean your need for food, clothing, a warm home, 2 parents loving parents were not met. What CEN is about is people who didn't get the proper emotional guidance and understanding when they were children, therefore they grew up not quite understanding how to deal with their emotions and the adversities in life.The author then explains what I would call a behavioral approach to changing your emotional difficulties. I would recommend buying the ebook and then the audiobook as an add-on. The paper or ebook will have a better description of the charts needed to track your behavior and eventually change it.Finally I'd like to give a critique of how the book and perhaps the method itself leaves out a thorough discussion of what is known in Cognitive Behavior Therapy as "cognitive distortions" or simply negative thinking.I myself, suffer from the symptoms of CEN such as low self-esteem, feelings of emptiness, self directed anger and self-blame, poor self-discipline, difficulty understanding and identifying my own emotions, and even suicidal thoughts. So this book really helped me to articulate many of the feelings and internal experiences that I was having in my adult life, despite being raised in a good family.When I say the book lacks discussion of cognitive distortions, what I mean is that humans all have the ability to think (sometimes neurotically) about our own thinking. I believe many people with CEN may have experienced similar lack of emotional guidance experiences in their life, but that they also lack cognitive guidance and therefore obsess about why they feel bad, with such thoughts as, "I must not be normal because simple situations make me feel so inadequate. If other people have to deal with these feelings and they are ok, then I must be a totally rotten failure. I must be broken in some way and maybe nothing can fix me." We often tremendously blame ourselves for feelings that are actually quite normal given the circumstances. We think of the world as unfair, we put ourselves down as worthless, or think of others as worthless for not helping us or understanding us. We often can't stand the feelings so much that we desperately consider suicide as the only way out.For anyone who reads this book, it will definitely help you identify and articulate some of the feelings and experiences you've had since childhood. But what I think has been very helpful for me in addition to this book, are some of the books by Albert Ellis using Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. What should be addressed in Dr. Webb's book is how to catch ourselves in distorted thinking patters where we demand that life treat us fair. You don't need more "tough love" from friends or therapists, not that Dr. Webb uses that kind of approach. But what I think all people, but particularly those who can identify with being CEN, should know is that the only thing we can control is our own attitudes and internal philosophy about life. It's important to address this part of your thinking if you have CEN.In conclusion, I really do like this book, and recommend it as it will give you a better understanding of what symptoms you may have previously been unable to explain. Just remember to follow up with addressing your thoughts about those symptoms.Also get the paper or kindle book to go with the audiobook.
Good inventory of the ills of growing up with emotional dysfunctions brought on by our oh so influential parents, all sorts included. This part will probably resonate with you. The Solutions-to second half left me uninspired...much like the frustration one likely feels ( if you do? I do) upon reading CBT.....the problem is identified, the steps laid out to solve the problem, and yet, somehow it just doesn’t really work. I wish it did, but it doesn’t, I guess because our psyches are so resilient and unreachable, logic just doesn’t suffice....So, I can’t say anything was wrong with this book, it just seemed like prescribing aspirin for cancer. Maybe you’ll like it more. (not that this is a CBT book per se, but it approaches problems in a similar kind of paradigm; that is, identify the cognitive errors (In this case we would substitute emotional problems for cognitive ones) caused by the unfortunate circumstances of one’s earliest days as a child under the 10 or so common parental failings of connecting with you, then know what it is that’s distorting and thus blocking your own fulfillment caused by these “foundational†wounds to self, then route out that core problem through raised awareness. But it just doesn’t work like that in reality because mostly we already know what went wrong and the problem is our minds haven’t the capacity to change their own inner patterns. I found that this book did not empower me to change, just rather to inventory emotional problems. So I give it 3 stars.
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